The Hostel Dorm Masturbator Woman

So my travel blog continues and again I’m talking about my 2 week stay at Urban Central in Southbank Melbourne. It was quite the experience, and one I’ll never forget. First there was the nutjob in my dorm who I came to learn was stalking Australian actor, Jai Courtney. Next up, the strange masturbator woman in the bunk above me.

For the entire length of my stay at this hostel there was a mysterious and bizarre Australian woman in my dorm. She slept in the bunk above me. I would estimate her to be in her mid-forties with shoulder length black, greasy hair, dark skin, and a giant nose hooked like hawk’s beak. This was the biggest beak I’ve ever seen in my life, so much so, that I remember it quite vividly! She dressed in plain clothes and had only a plastic bag with her which was always empty. Don’t know what the deal was with that.

I first experienced ‘it’ during night one of my stay. With everyone in bed and the lights out I began to hear strange groaning noises intermittently. The best, and only way that I can explain these ‘groans’ are to say that they sounded like an ‘exhale of pleasure’ – I had to search Google for that term! What got me was that I would hear this every 5 minutes or so and the groans would be in timing with said woman tossing and turning in her bunk. So not only am I being kept awake with the noise, but also the entire bunk shaking. When this wasn’t going on, which wasn’t all that often, I was treated to deafening snoring. Loving hostel life at this point. I think I would happily exchange all of this for two people having sex above me – at least I know it will end at some point for gods sake!

As I lay awake feeling slightly scared and confused, I began to ask myself…

Is this woman sleeping or not? Is she actually masturbating? Is she aware of the sounds she is making?

I would say I was pretty polite – I didn’t wake her and tell her to shut up, and I didn’t bring the subject up with the her next day.  I guess I was genuinely hoping that there wouldn’t be a repeat of it…then…all hope destroyed!

Without fail for 14 nights solid, the masturbation sounds continued. As other people came and went from the dorm, there was me, stuck with ‘Big Beak The Masturbator’. I was fortunate enough to find some sanity and friendship with another girl for about a week. She too, had wondered what was taking place in that bunk every night. We concluded that the woman was indeed sleeping, but that she for sure was aware of her constant groaning and exhaling. I tell you, some people have no shame!

Here’s a piece of advice…

If you want to shut your eyes and fantasize about getting laid – do it fucking quietly!

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